Girl's Night Out

(copied from my 360.yahoo.com blog dated 12/12/07)

What happens at Robin's stays at Robin's.

The DTHG girls had a great night last night. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute. But, you know I can't really tell you what was said. That's our little secret. I can, however, tell you how I felt...the topic of my next blog.

As a child, I was kind of a loner. I was shy and insecure. Other children made fun of my buck teeth and my highwater jeans and my complete deficiency in any athletic activity - you know, always the last one chosen for kickball teams. So, I chose my friends carefully. I befriended those who also needed a friend, the social outcasts. My compassion for the loneliness of a trailer park kid, or the only black student in the entire school, or the kid who said strange things and had strange interests, or even the kid who annoyed everyone, was truly sincere. I identified with their pain. Then one day, in college, I got burned by one of my social outcast female friends. It hurt. I think at the time I believed we supported one another and there was some loyalty. But I was wrong.

It was at that point that I realized it was safer to befriend guys and I became very good at making guy friends. I think that is why rock climbing, among other reasons, was such a good sport for me. 90% of my time was spent with guys who enjoyed doing the same things I did and saw me as an athletic peer, which was a very safe way to be. Guys who don't want to date a girl, general speaking, do not challenge her with a deep intentional relationship that requires mutual support and sacrifice. In my adventurous twenties that was SO the way to go.

Then I met Ben who challenged me with a deeply intentional relationship that required mutual support and sacrifice. And it felt safe (and I loved him and God said so), so I married him. Once comforted by a safe relationship I began to wonder what it would be like to have girlfriends. You know, gals I could shop with and do crafts with, etc. As I started to pursue female friendships, I realized I had no idea what I was doing and didn't really know how to nurture that kind of relationship. Hanging out with the gals felt uncomfortable and alien.

Now it's been 6ish years that I have worked on female friendships and last night I realized that they are comfortable and fun and feel safe. And I know that the love that I pour out on my sisters in Christ comes back to me seven fold.

So, thank you Sistas. I love you and look forward to many more girl's nights out.