Tired of the Changes

I'll be 40 in August. You heard me. I'm admitting it. I shall crest that proverbial hill and begin the speedy descent into middle age as the year 2010 comes to a close. I would love to be the kind of person who looks back with nostalgia at my youth. But, to be honest, I'm just ready to finally settle down into my middle years. I'm tired of change and long for stability. Following is a brief timeline of major life changes since college.

2/93 - Move to Texas
5/93 - Graduate from college
6/93 - Begin a career in healthcare
- - - Long period of twenties crazy adventure - - - exhausting, but fun
6/1996 - 1st Apt. by myself
8/2001 - Marriage and change church
1/2002 - Laid off from job of 8 years
4/2002 - New job, same career field
5/2004 - Bought house
7/2004 - Baby #1
5/2005 - Husband job change
7/2005 - Quit job
11/2005 - Change church - jumped into inner-city ministry
8/2006 - Baby #2
10/2007 - New job
6/2009 - Church move
8/2009 - Laid off
1/2010 - Husband job change

I know that we are not the only couple that has gone through these types of changes. But, I guess I'm not as adaptable to change as I thought. I am so tired. Physically, emotionally and spiritually spent. I am ready to rest. Please God, help me to rest and recover from all of these changes. I feel like I lost who I am amidst the change. Like I tried on a new identity with every change and never really got to the point of defining the "married with children" Rene.

I look forward to my middle aged future, where Ben is done with school, the girls can dress and feed themselves, and I've lost weight and wear instead a calm genuine serenity. Some of finding myself in these middle years may include finally understanding what God is calling me to do - for work, for fun and for my community. And I look forward to growing deeper relationships with my friends and family; and to the day when we sit around the table at dinner and tell stories about "remember when."

Do I regret the last ten years? Absolutely not! There are so many special moments that I wouldn't trade for the world. My children and my husband keep my focused on the importance of making the most of every day. And now that I am in a season of rest, I can be more intentional about doing just that.